Just Another Monster Birthday

Hi guys! I hate to interrupt the Hottest Hottiest Tournament of Hotties, since that’s what we’re all here for (I have three large on Charlie Cox), but it’s my birthday and, well, I’m celebrating by myself today. I happen to be in Florida, though, so I’ve got that going for me (high of 71, very windy).

I will be celebrating with my boy Tiberius. He’s very excited!

As I approach middle age today by turning 92, which in dog years is immortal, will you join my little celebration by contributing pics and gifs of doggies, kitties, and animal friendship/love-type stuff? Or, alternatively, just post your very favorite gif of the moment.

A little taoreader tidbit: I was born two weeks late, which I’m pretty sure my mother still holds against me. I am an Aries by three hours. Two weeks earlier and I would have been a solid Pisces. So my question is, will the memoir I’m finishing make me rich and famous? Do tell!


About taoreader

Writer and Editor. Pianist and singer. Feminist and proponent of Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. I don't get it either. I wish I could have dinner with Marie Curie.
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34 Responses to Just Another Monster Birthday

  1. gnidrah says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We can guarantee that any gif I post won’t work, but here goes nothing:

    (they’re enjoying being somewhere hot! For sure!)

    I have gazed into the Gnidrah Crystal Ball, and this is what I see:

    Your memoir will have success, because we simply will not tolerate a lack thereof. The New York Times will wonder at this talent, and ask how we lived before we read it. Success will not change you though, except for the yacht. You gotta have a yacht, right? It will be called the SS Monster.

    Whilst you are living it up on said yacht (film rights, man!), you stop in at a local Greek hotspot, where I will be with my gym crush boyfriend. (He has mirrored sunglasses and just dyed his hair, but don’t hold it against him). We are taking a selfie because that is what couples do, or so I am told, and you will spot us from your yacht, and invite us aboard. I haven’t got any further with this story yet, but you’re the big-shot memoir writer, so if you can work out where we end up, I’d be super-grateful to know!

    • gnidrah says:

      1) the gif worked!
      2) I am sorry, the above comment makes me sound clinically insane, when really I have just not left the house since yesterday. SORRY.

      • Gonna need you to tell me my future now, thnx

        • gnidrah says:

          Gimme 10 mins to fire up the ole crystal ball again.

          (honestly thinking of making this a weekly feature)

        • gnidrah says:

          OK look, the crystal ball really likes it when it gets asked a specific question, but it’s got some short-term pointers for you:

          You want winter to be over, yes well, we all want winter to be over except for polar bears and penguins, but I’m afraid there is one last sharp burst coming your way. You will style it out in a fancy hat/gloves/scarf combo, so stylish a combo in fact that you will be stopped in the street by what these days is called an “influencer”, who will want to document your every fashion move, and what’s more, they will want to do it in PARIS AND/OR MILAN. Sorry if you had US-based plans, you have to move to Europe now, that’s just what the crystal ball is telling me.

          Whilst flying to Paris you will stopover in London (probably seeing me and my gym crush boyfriend, I dunno, this is the fates speaking, not me, but if you do see him, perhaps I could get your thoughts on the hair dye situation, I’m not 100% with it), and coincidentally, it will be the day of Prince Harry and Meghan (hashtag American Princess) Markle’s wedding. Your outfit will be so on point that newspapers and magazines will put you on their front covers instead of Meghan.

          Then I’m afraid the crystal ball gets murky, but we’ve got you up to 19th May! Can’t say fairer than that!

      • Sergeant Tibbs says:

        make it a feature!

    • taoreader says:

      Excellent! I mean, the rich part is bitchin’. I don’t really need to be famous.

      When I get the yacht SS Monster (a huge yacht, otherwise I’ll just get seasick), you and your gym-crush boyfriend won’t have to be invited on board, because you will already be there! That’s right, its inaugural voyage will be a huge par-tay for all Homeless Monsters and their guests. There will be champagne, lobster, steak, vegetarian steak, and a fuck-ton of chocolate mousse. Every room will have a monitor playing a Van Damme movie.

      • gnidrah says:

        Yasss. Thanks!

        I always say the best rich person to be is Bernie Taupin. He’s absolutely MINTED, stupidly creative & talented, while Elton John takes all the hassle!

  2. Sergeant Tibbs says:

    Happy birthday! Hope you like cake as much as Stains

  3. flanny says:

    I mean, I think my favorite gif of the moment might be that dog moving the birthday hat with his ears. But here’s another I just found.

    Happy bday!

  4. welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

    Happy Birthday!!!

    I don’t know what part of Florida you are in, but please accept this “Welcome to Miami” dancing gif…


    • welcometocostcoiloveyou says:

      Is there a new way to post gifs? I swear Google changed the settings in the search feature, and I can’t figure out what to do.

    • taoreader says:

      I’m in Orlando, but I’d much rather be in Miami.

  5. hotspur says:

    Let me caption this Hallmark-style: “On your birthday… [open card]… Go bananas!”

  6. Tracey says:

    Happy birthday!!! What are your plans? What’s the best birthday present you’ve ever gotten?

    • taoreader says:

      Thank you! Well, I have no plans to be honest. However, I bought myself a half-bottle of Veuve Cliquot and nice red blend. I’m going to play some Chopin on my lovely piano and some Mendelssohn if he’s lucky. I’m also watching Therapy (finally) and it’s so good! So I’ll watch more of that and anything else I damn well please. I may even write today.

      My favorite b-day gift ever, I have to think about that…

      • taoreader says:

        A few years ago someone got me VIP tickets to see William Shatner in his one man show, “Shatner’s World.” I had been HINTING that I wanted to see it. I lived in Boston, and the only tickets available were in St. Louis. I did not care!

  7. collin0truckasaurus says:


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