Don’t let the label “Other” fool you into thinking that these men are not stone foxes on the level of the more specifically-labeled. It’s just that making this bracket was hard and almost every babe is in Marvel movies and it was easier to say “Other” than “Musicians, athletes, playwrights, directors, etc.”!
Donald Glover (1) vs. Harry Styles (16)
The winner of our One Direction cage match was Harry Styles (by a narrow margin, above the more correct choice: Zayn). He now has the honor of going up against Childish Gambino himself.
We fell in love with him as Troy on Community, those of us who are hip-hop inclined fell further in love with him as Childish Gambino, and now he’s winning awards for his work on Atlanta. Will he add to his accolades with a Tournament of Hotties victory?
The lads of One Direction are all adults now so no one need feel pervy for lusting after them. Sharing a shirtless pic here means confronting you with Harry’s ridiculous tattoos, but can you see past them to the babe within?
Keanu Reeves (8) vs. Frank Ocean (9)
This is a rather random pairing: one, a long-time actor who has at least one very enthusiastic fan on this blog, the other a musician relatively new to the scene who happens to have a very nice face. Who will prevail?
I put Keanu in the “Other” bracket instead of counting him as an actor because honestly I predominantly think of him as being a frequent meme. But he seems like a lovely human and he’s very good at things like standing up on a motorcycle.
Look, I have never listened to Frank Ocean because I am really bad at keeping up with current music and tend to just listen to Joanna Newsom + my adolescent faves over and over. But I hear tell that Frank is good at his job and I know for a fact that he is a babe, AND he likes to share shirtless selfies like a true hero (see above).
Taika Waititi (5) vs. Marat Safin (12)
One is the director of one of my favorite movies of 2017. The other is a tennis player I had never heard of until our very own Tracey nominated him for this tournament. Now we must ask ourselves: which one is hotter?
Thor: Ragnarok was a very fun movie that was made even better by the charms of its director, Taika Waititi. He’s also an actor and a fashion icon. Only a truly foxy man could pull off a pineapple print. I couldn’t find a good shirtless pic of him, unfortunately, so we’ll all have to use our imaginations.
I don’t know if Marat is good at tennis but I also don’t care because look at him. Beauty is a virtue all of its own.
Lin-Manuel Miranda (4) vs. Andy Samberg (13)
Lin-Manuel and Andy both seem to be very good dudes who have provided a lot of entertainment to the world and deserve our respect. But today we’re just going to decide which one we would rather make out with.
I have not seen Hamilton because I like money more than being hip, but I’ve seen enough of Lin-Manuel on the internet to be convinced that he is a stone fox. And he was fun on that one episode of How I Met Your Mother!
Andy is not what you would call a Classic Babe, but his humor and charm and the fact that he is married to the most amazing woman on the planet (Joanna Newsom) really amplify his already plentiful natural gifts of beauty. A side note: out of all of the “FIRSTNAME LASTNAME shirtless” searches I’ve done on Google for this, none have turned up so many pictures of random completely nude dudes with the searchee’s face photoshopped onto them. So interpret that how you will.
Common (6) vs. John Legend (11)
It’s musician/actor vs. musician/actor! Both are babes who are good at their jobs and seem like good people, which is such a rare combination.
You might say that Common is uncommonly hot (see what I did there?). His beauty inspires thirst in all of us, and thirst tweets in some. But how deep does that thirst run?
John is one half of one of everybody’s favorite celebrity marriages, and even though it was ridiculous that his whole plot arc in La La Land was about Ryan Gosling saving jazz from posers like him he emerged from the movie unscathed in our hearts. Random side note: am I the only one who thinks he and Joseph Gordon-Levitt look like they could be brothers?
Jeff Goldblum (3) vs. Ricky Martin (14)
Here’s a matchup that could have been in a hotness tournament a decade ago, but still will be a tough choice for us all.
Mr. Goldblum was included here instead of one of the acting brackets because I see him more as a personality, or an entity unto himself. Truth be told he doesn’t really light my personal fire, but I know I’m in the minority on that so I have offered him up for your appraisal.
Ricky was off our radars for a while after his popstar heyday, but he’s back now thanks to that Versace show that everybody is watching. Not all popstars age well, but Mr. Martin has held up very nicely!
Adam Rippon (7) vs. Gus Kenworthy (10)
I swear that I did not plan it so that our two favorite male Winter Olympians of 2018 are pitted against each other in round one. Sometimes fate just works that way! Both of these dudes charmed us with their talents and their personalities. And their looks. Can’t forget their looks.
Adam made me cry with his figure skating routines at the Olympics (full disclosure, I cry at figure skating a lot) and made me laugh with his interviews and social media. Figure skating is a beautiful sport made more beautiful when the skaters are babes.
Gus’s sport is less likely to inspire tears in me but that doesn’t make him any less foxy. Also, I went skiing earlier this year for the first time since childhood and was so bad at it that I took my skis off in a rage and walked down the mountain so I have a new appreciation for what it takes to do what Gus does.
The Rock (2) vs. Cheyenne Jackson (15)
Here we have two actors who could really not be more different, and yet here they are facing off in a hotness battle. Which one floats your boat?
I don’t get The Rock. I mean, I get him in a “That guy is very charming and entertaining” way but not in a hot way. But if I learned anything from the last Tournament of Hotties it’s that I’m pretty much the only one who feels this way. It takes all kinds!
Cheyenne is one of those guys who sort of looks like if a Ken doll came to life. Is that a bad thing? NOPE! He’s a fox, and a multi-talented one at that!
This concludes round one of voting. Next week the choices are going to be even tougher, so get ready!