Unnecessary Movie Assignment #23

You guys, I’ve done some very serious thinking about how we operate here. And as a result, we’re about to go off the rails.

Remember how back in the olden days (2014 – Tuesday), you would cleverly assign me a movie using its number on a list that you never got to see? The rules we lived by then were clear and firm, and they constituted a good enough system that most scientists and social workers now advocate the human race pick everything this way. Dinner entrees, which shirt, nominees for the cabinet, lotto numbers — everything. But just as the Unnecessary system is gaining traction with the bourgeoisie? Being punk rock, we monsters hereby REJECT IT. And vow temporarily to live our own life. A life where basically you just shout out what the next movie should be.

When gnidrah typed the above on Wednesday, she was totally right, that was NOT how it worked. But it could be, right? This is the internet and we are in charge of it, not Time Warner. What a 1990s way to think! But it’s still true at Homeless Monsters. If you don’t like the car you’re driving down the information superhighway, just upload a new one! (My first car was a ’97 Tripod, and when I close my eyes, I can still smell it.)

So. In the comments, shout out by name one movie you want reviewed. Also include a note about your favorite color, or the color you truly hate, or any color you feel like discussing. (Get it? Because “Black” Narcissus. But you don’t need to pick a movie with a color in its title, let’s be real.)

If the movie you shout is in my Unwatched DVD collection, I will watch it. If more than one movie I own gets shouted, TIE BREAKER: the winner is whoever’s color opinion is most convincing. If no movies I own get shouted out, then gnidrah wins: I will rent Black Narcissus and review that (a $2.99 value).

And right now gnid is in the lead! STOP HER.

(Don’t worry about stopping her. I will probably watch Black Narcissus next time even if someone else wins this time. It seems like a good idea.)

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About hotspur

hotspur is the videogum name of Luke Rooney, who usually makes the Kessel Run in 17 or 18 parsecs because, like, what is the rush? We will get to Kessel when we get to Kessel, just sit down and enjoy the run for chrissakes.
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16 Responses to Unnecessary Movie Assignment #23

  1. Tracey says:

    Yeah mate I say just watch Black Narcissus in fact you should probably buy it because you don’t own enough movies. You can’t hear me but I typed this in a British accent

    • hotspur says:

      If you type with your other hand, you will sound Australian (coriolis joke). Thank you, Tracey, for the genuinely last bit of encouragement in the universe that I need.

    • gnidrah says:

      You should say “films” instead of movies 😂

  2. catweazle says:

    You should watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights whether it’s in your collection or not because it is one of the greatest films of our generation. My favorite color is gold because gold is like money and I love money.

    • hotspur says:

      I am sure you’re right about the greatness, but I feel we’d have to watch that particular movie as a group to get its full impact. Organize a viewing party in your new place and invite us all, catweazle.

  3. I just want to vote for whatever movie you have that looks the most ridiculous! And my favorite colors are duck egg blue and that metallic cherry red a lot of SUVs are painted now.

    • hotspur says:

      I have the box set of Victory at Sea. It is 13 hours of documentary about the navy in WWII, made in 1953. All this time I have been sort of hoping its number would come up… hoping and dreading… I wonder if this is the kind of ridiculous you had in mind…

  4. taoreader says:

    PLEASE tell me you have “Mars Needs Women!” Nothing is better than 50s sci-fi, especially with lines like “She’s the best scientist in her field. But make no mistake— she’s all woman!” Wouldn’t want to compromise her feminity with that unpleasant sciency smell.

    So, come on folks, we all know the best color is red. I like many colors, but nothing is more versatile, warm, and energizing than red. When we think of Mars, we think of red. In Chinese culture, red is a healing color. In Japan, it’s the bold “fire color.” In the West, we ascribe power, confidence, and sexuality to red. It’s what a woman wears to make an entrance at a party. It’s the color of car someone buys when they want to say, “Suck it, highway patrol, I know I’m easier to spot when I’m speeding, but I’m too cool to care!” It’s the color of roses someone should buy me sometime.

    • hotspur says:

      Sweet Yeezus, that movie quote is vintage perfect. I am honestly embarrassed that I have never seen the movie and never bought the DVD. Thank you for alerting me to it. Please accept this, which I definitely bought:

  5. gnidrah says:

    I should still win this.

    • gnidrah says:

      I’ve been thinking it over and I feel bad about you having to spend $2.99 because of me, so perhaps just stick with your collection? That said I still recommend Black Narcissus because it is batshit.

  6. hotspur says:

    Okay, the votes/shouts are in, let’s call it. Very interesting movie suggestions from catweazle and taoreader. Is my life complete if I never see the movies they suggested? No. I am a completist and therefore need to see all the movies. Otherwise I have lived for nothing. Unfortunately — and never has that word been used more dubiously — I don’t own either of their suggestions. So gnidrah clings to her early lead! I will watch Black Narcissus.

    Don’t worry, gnidrah, about spending my money. You are worth it!!! (You are worth $2.99.)

    • taoreader says:

      I approve of this choice. Where can I watch Black Narcissus streaming? Or rent it? I’ve never seen it and I feel that I need to.

      • hotspur says:

        Aggressive googling of “Black Narcissus full movie” turned up a couple of prospects last night… but I did not test them yet, so I don’t know if they are truly free or part of a survivalist pyramid scheme. Good luck!

    • taoreader says:

      Also, I will totally contribute the $$ for Mars Needs Women, whenever you feel like watching it. It’s probably worth about ¢0.03.

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