We have lost our beloved Monster Mother, so we Monster Children must struggle to our feet and shuffle to the feed trough on our own. Don’t ask me what animal metaphor I’m going for there. Some alien pig/lamb-type hybrid.
I have other outlets for writing, but where else can I post things like cruise travel reporting that’s all about towel creatures? Except on my own blog, and why would I want to post anything there?
In an homage to Hard Gabe (hello Gabe’s ghost) and Videogum, I’m going to review the baddest movies since 2014. And by baddest, I don’t mean the sickest. By sickest, I don’t mean the coolest. I mean, terrible. The most terrible movies since 2014. Does terrible still mean terrible these days?
We already know Elizabethtown is the Worst Movie of All Time until 2014. But, you guys, there have been so many terrible recent movies. So I’m making it my job to find The Most Terrible Movie (TMTM™ or TM²™) since 2014.
Like these, followed by Tomatometer / Audience Score:
- Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Stupid, I mean, Justice, 27% / 63%
- Stupid League, I mean, Justice, 40% / 73%
- Anything with “Fifty Shades” in the title, 11%-25% / 37%-41%
- That new Robin Hood 16% / 45%
- That new Little Women (haven’t seen it, I already hate it) 33% / 81%
- Night School (Tiffany Haddish deserves better) 28% / 43%
- Gotti, Goddess help me if I have to watch that 0% / 49%
- Brain on Fire (her dream job is at a tabloid!) 13% / 67%
- Equalizer 2 as long as I don’t have to watch Equalizer 1, 51% / 64%
So, what’s first? Let’s have a quiz! Click on the terrible movie I should watch first.
Guess what? I don’t know how to make a quiz go! So state your choice in the comments. Feel free to add your own suggestions, too.
- Batman vs Superman or
- That new Robin Hood
I guess it’s a choice between damaging nostalgia and a horrible, unnecessary remake. Fun!
And I haven’t even talked about how ANGRY I am that NETFLIX CANCELED DAREDEVIL. Or that my beloved Shatner is now on my ShitList, which frankly isn’t that easy to do. So, congrats, you jerk.