You guys, I saw a UFO once. In New Jersey, in the ’90s. I was hanging out on the roof of the house I lived in, as you do when you are 21, because at 21 a roof seems as legit as any given couch. One time we were up there and police ran into the house (how is that legal?) and all the way up to the windows we climbed out of, and made us come inside. Then they made us sit and listen to their big drama-queen speech about how, if we fell off, we’d be dead. We sat there like: These police are idiots! None of us fell! But now, as an adult, with a fully formed brain, hypothetically? We should not have been on the roof. We’d be dead.
Anyway, one time, a different time, we were on the roof, and this thing flew overhead. It was the middle of the day, but we couldn’t figure out what it was. It was definitely not an aeroplane, and it was up much too high and going too fast to be a helicopter. It was silent, which was odd, and it was hard to tell its shape, because it glinted in the sun, as if highly polished. It zipped in a straight line, turned kind of sharp, and zipped away, on out of our lives.
My friend Pete and I watched it, and I think this guy Anthony? And two other guys? Oof, this was ages ago. But 100 percent, that was a UFO: it was flying, it was an object, and none of us could identify it.
Last night, I watched a documentary on Netflix about Bob Lazar, the dude who allegedly worked at Area 51 and went public about that in the 1980s. It was an okay doc, not great. I’d read online that it ends with a real shock. You can imagine how pumped I was to be shocked. Alas, I was also tired from watching the Democratic debate, cleaning, and eating soup, and before the end/shock, I fell asleep. So I know for sure that we are not Alone in the Universe. But I don’t know the details.
Have you guys ever seen an ordinary plane and, like me, concluded it was from space? How was your week? Any weekend plans? The short film “Closet Cases of the Nerd Kind” was the funniest goddamm thing to Kid Me. Don’t expect too much (also my epitaph).