Surprise holiday movie review: Last Christmas!

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You know I love Christmas movies – the crappier the better! Normally, though, I don’t get to see them on a big screen, because I am catching them on television, stuffing mince pies into my mouth and crying/laughing/bit of both.

So what a treat for me, that this year we have a genre-definer out IN THE CINEMA. And that it features my dearly departed George Michael, who I still miss. His songs are woven through the film. It has also garnered some of the worst reviews this side of Glitter. Of course I gathered up the Euro crew and went on opening night.

TO THE PICTURES!

Where are we? We’re in LONDON. You know this because it’s nothing like London, as should always be the case with big cities in films. People go into doors on one street, come out of doors in locations eight miles away. Perfect.

Is there snow? Yes there is sort of snow, a few wispy bits, which to be fair, is accurate.

And we’re with Kate and my goodness, she’s a hot mess. The very definition of it. She’s barely holding down her job! She’s sleeping with all the wrong folk! She doesn’t really have anywhere to live! Her family pretty much hate her too! WHADDAMESS.

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She is, of course, a wannabe actress, but she doesn’t seem to be very good at being on time for auditions, so she’s working in a round-the-year Christmas shop. Her boss is Michelle Yeoh. Michelle Yeoh is very good at Christmas shop bossing, and for some reason, keeps Kate on despite the fact that Kate leaves the door unlocked, meaning her whole shop gets trashed. WHADDAMESS.

Into this (hot) mess, walks Cardboard Henry. No, that’s very mean. It’s TOM! As played by Henry Golding.

He keeps popping up outside the shop, or in the street, or just, y’know. Tom. He’s a cutie, and he wants to make Kate happier. He encourages her to totally best life it. By doing stuff like ice skating. Or just looking upwards.

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I felt weirdly connected to Emilia Clarke, not an actress I knew a whole heap about before (not having really been into GoT) but the night before seeing this film, I went on a date (LONG FUCKING STORY) and I told the guy that we were seeing LC the next night, and he looked at me with vaguely misty eyes and told me that I looked like Emilia Clarke. So you can imagine that I spent a lot of this film with vaguely misty eyes myself, clearly planning an exciting future looking up with said date. You can guess how this one plays out, for me personally, if not in the film…

Anyway, back to it! So Kate has managed to get herself back into her family’s good books, sort of. Her fledgling relationship is clearly working a miracle on her. Even her boss likes her and has a date herself!

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Here’s Emma Thompson playing Kate’s mum! Sorry Emma that I couldn’t find any better pictures of you in this film. Kate’s mum has a lot of issues because of having left the former Yugoslavia to move to a Britain that has now voted for Brexit. In fact, she says on more than one occasion that the country hates her and is now going to make her leave. This is sadly the experience of people I know who have moved to live here, and I was sad that it had to be a part of this film, but equally, I am glad that it is being raised as an issue.

I’ve just realised that this review is as hot a mess as Emilia Clarke’s character, so let’s attempt to return to any semblance of plot.

Kate and Tom are very cute together, but he keeps disappearing, and he doesn’t seem to really want to rush a relationship. He volunteers at the homeless shelter, though, so that’s one place Kate can keep going back to when he disappears. Bit weird he keeps disappearing though, innit?

And yet, slowly slowly, her life seems to be getting back together. She’s doing well at her job. She’s made up with her sister. She’s even raising money for the homeless shelter.

But then all the disappearing just gets a bit too much, so she pops round to his flat to give him an ultimatum… And that, dear readers, is where I am going to have to leave you. Because if I tell you any more, I will spoil the entire thing.

One thing I can tell you is, there’s a Christmas show:

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Everything looks better with fairy lights on

Suffice to say, it’s one of those endings that will leave you laughing, crying and punching yourself in the face.

So let’s try to sum up Last Christmas. Is it as bad as the reviewers say? In a way, yes. It’s not really got a huge plot, and it’s contrived and the ending makes you want to punch yourself in the face.

BUT THAT’S TO ENTIRELY MISS THE POINT OF LAST CHRISTMAS.

It knows exactly what it is, and it does it with joy. Everyone in it is in on the joke, and they’re having a great time, and they realise that sometimes what you need at this time of year is cheese and love and a bit of Wham!

On which note:

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MONSTERS!

 

About gnidrah

Television, books, music, sports, cooking. I only get paid for one of them. (Update: two of them!)
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17 Responses to Surprise holiday movie review: Last Christmas!

  1. hotspur says:

    Is Tom an angel? Is he SANTA HIMSELF?? No — that would be crazy! All too much! He must be a Christmas gnome though. That is it. Wait — not gnome, what’s the word. Elf. His secret is that he is an elf and, as much as he wants to get some Emilia Clark sugar, he has to disappear because he is on a crushing toy-making deadline. It IS that time of year, for the elves.

    I love this review and I can’t believe you are going to make me see this to find out what happens / punch myself.

    • gnidrah says:

      I mean, you’re not totally far off. Honestly I can’t be the spoiler! You’ll find it online very easily if you really want to, I think the Guardian had it!

  2. Kate says:

    I too went to the cinema to see this…umm..creation. Love the cast, but my dear monsters we could get together and come up with a much better story! But anyway, it’s almost Christmas and it helped me get into the spirit. Also I used to be a much better gift wrapper. Don’t know what happened. 🎅🏻🤶🎄Merry Christmas to you all monsters!

    • gnidrah says:

      Oh yeah I’m sure we could get a slightly sturdier plot together! I just love it when a film does really well despite the critics’snobbery!

      • Kate says:

        I am so not a snob! I watch all of the Hallmark Christmas movies this time of year and love them too. I just expected more from this since it was in the theaters. Sorry if I offended you! I really didn’t mean to. Thank you for your great reviews here.

        • gnidrah says:

          Oh god no! I meant the newspaper critics! 😃 I appreciated your comment, because actually I know how blinded I was by love for George M… So I totally didn’t see it fairly. They could put a bin on fire on screen, set it to Heal the Pain, and I’d be like, OSCARS PLEASE.

          Yeah it was a funny old movie… I haven’t had a chance to catch any Hallmark ones so far this year, work has been crazy, so if you have any recommendations, I would love to hear them! ♥️

  3. Tracey says:

    Ah I have been wanting to see this! Thank you for the great review! I love this: “People go into doors on one street, come out of doors in locations eight miles away. Perfect.”

    I tend to get sucked into the Hallmark/ABC Family/Netflix holiday romance movies but I have to avoid them this year because, in a surprise twist, I arrived home from vacation yesterday to find that my boyfriend moved 400 miles away while I was gone and didn’t tell me so as not to ruin my trip. He got laid off then offered a new job that needed him to start immediately, so he packed up all his belongings and left for his new life.

    • gnidrah says:

      OMFG. I mean. There’s not ruining your trip. And then there’s ruining your relationship??? Unless I have misunderstood?! Are you ok? Lots of love xx

      • Tracey says:

        I’m being a bit of a pill about it because the shock is so new and I feel like I got dumped. The truth is that he invited me to move up there with him. But we weren’t ready to move in together here in LA, so how can I give up my job and apartment to move to a new city? But also maybe he could be the one so can I walk away from that? It’s a lot. Thanks for the support!

        • gnidrah says:

          It is a lot. You kinda did get dumped, in my eyes! Time zones being what they are, I have to sleep, but I will be back!! Take care of yourself!

        • Sergeant Tibbs says:

          I’m so sorry! That’s a really unfair way to deal with a sudden move. You’re totally valid in feeling frustrated. I hope you get to decompress this weekend.

  4. Sergeant Tibbs says:

    Thank you, I was waiting for someone here to mention Last Christmas! Also I look forward to your Christmas movie reviews all year! Are you going to watch Netflix’s Christmas in the Wild with Rob Lowe and Kristin Davis?? Do it, it’s equally perplexing but in different ways. Like it was…kinda good? But cheesy. But the characters were surprisingly mature and low key. And it probably wasn’t a Christmas movie to begin with and as it is, there are a few Christmas scenes shoehorned in…anyway watch it! And tell us your thoughts.

    This movie! I saw it opening weekend knowing it got bad reviews but I also kinda loved it. It shouldn’t be advertised as a rom com. It was a Christmas drama with some quirkiness. There were a lot of plot holes I was willing to overlook to feel the Christmas mood and to watch Emma Thompson be questionably Yugoslavian. I laughed but then I thought,”am I going to regret this laugh in about 2 years when we’re even more sensitive to fake accents?” I’ll be checking out Listen without Prejudice.

    I also feel a weird connection with Emilia Clarke without ever watching GOT. I want her to succeed. This was her perfect audition to be our rom com star, so she should accept her lot now.

    • gnidrah says:

      Oh yes, I agree with you. You have to overlook a lot but it’s ok to do it. I have to say that I wasn’t thrilled about ET’s accent even in 2019 😂 and yeah it’s going to date very badly I fear! I just saw an ad while I was typing this for the soundtrack album, though & it reminded me of the George-based joy… Ahhhh…

    • gnidrah says:

      And yes that Netflix one is definitely something I need to see. I feel like I will never be drunk enough though 😂😂

    • Tracey says:

      Damn it Netflix! They are really trying to suck me in with all these Christmas RomComs!

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