Teleportation is one of the most coveted supernatural abilities out there. Sure, it makes for a great party trick, but it also has plenty of real world applications. It would reduce the cost of transporting goods, making it effortless to get resources where they are needed and reducing waste. Cities can easily be evacuated before a disaster strikes. I would no longer have to suffer through the experience of commercial airline travel. The list goes on and on.
So if such an ability would be a boon to mankind, what the hell is keeping Reese Witherspoon from sharing it with all of us? Not only does she refuse to teach us, she brazenly showed off her abilities at the Independent Spirit Awards this past Saturday.
Seriously, Reese, I don’t ever want to fly Spirit Airlines again. Please spill the beans.
Homeless Monsters 
That’s not teleportation…just brilliant acting.
That’s actually Meryl sitting down.
I can’t believe I watched that entire show and MISSED THIS COMPLETELY.
Oh my god I watched it for the first time this year and I will never again watch it because it made me so angry. Especially Jared Leto’s speech and Patton Oswalt in general (and specifically the continuous repetition of the unfunny “Bruce Dern is old” joke and the slavery joke).
Ugh, Patton was terrible. I really liked Andy Samberg last year. Lonely Island did these fake indie trailers that were pretty funny. I do love that Bruce flipped him off, god bless you Bruce.
Having missed it, and not being super interested in going back to watch it now, what was wrong with Patton? I generally like most of the things he does?
Well, he straight up just wasn’t especially funny for one (see: harping on the same mean-spirited an unfunny joke for literally the whole night, as though “You’re old” is an actual punchline) and also a lot of his jokes rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t know. I’m not that into comedy for comedy’s sake in the first place so I’m not his target audience but I started the show having a kind of vaguely positive opinion of him and by the end I really didn’t like him at all.
No one wants to fly Spirit airlines. Seriously Reese! SHARE THE SECRETTTTTT!
Screw that. I want to know how she looks so good. I’m adding her to my suspected virgin blood diet list.
Exactly. 3 kids and she still looks that great. Tell me your secrets, witch!
I dunno, you might be jumping the gun. There’s no BAMF! and cloud of purple smoke. This looks more like super speed to me.