Spoiler alert: the Hollywood Walk of Fame is not fun. Basically it’s just a very long walk where you’re always looking down. It’s 1.3 miles in one direction, and speaking of One Direction, neither those angels nor Jude Law have a star. So what’s even the point?
Almost as good as 1D. Almost.
I embarked upon my urban saga on a cloudy Wednesday morning. (Clouds?!?!? In LA?? The Sunshine State?? Bullshit.) Despite the weather, the day started out promising enough, when I saw Zach Woodlee in a Starbucks! We made eye contact multiple times and his eyes were not unfriendly, and I imagined him offering me a starring role in whatever thing he was choreographing next (I’m a very good dancer) and then me being interviewed on TV and being a recurring guest star on The Good Wife, where mainly I just kiss Cary and solve crimes. We all have to start somewhere. But then a suspicious man with an unkempt beard started lurking around the Bux and talking to the street cleaners, so I made my exit. And headed for HOLLYWOOD!!!
I don’t really know what my impression of the Hollywood Walk of Fame was before I decided to go see it. Did I even think about it when I was a child? I don’t think so. And I am cynical enough to not be impressed by arbitrary honors.
However, I’ll admit that my heart swelled a little bit when I finally saw the normal concrete sidewalk end and the Four Ladies statue appear in front of me, signaling the start of the “CALÇADA DA FAMA,” as Google Maps called it. THIS IS AMERICA, GOOGLE MAPS! SPEAK AMERICAN! Anyway, after snapping a picture of the Beatles star above, I headed off on my trek. The first leg of my journey happened pretty early in the morning, so Hollywood Blvd wasn’t too crowded yet. I got some good snaps of some off-brand celebrities’ stars.
CBS Sunday Morning in the hizzy!
I actually had looked up the list of people on the Walk of Fame before I headed out, and I was like, “Oh I gotsta see Zasu!” There’s a joke in Police Squad about her, and so my siblings and I quoted that name to each other a lot and pretended to pull off each other’s wigs. When I told my brother I’d seen her star, because he is joyless he was like, “I think the joke is Zasu Bits,” and he refused to concede that even if the names were a little off, the joke must be about Zasu Pitts. Stupid brothers.
And then I saw the stars of A-listers.
Classier than all other stars.
I also saw Jim Parsons get his star! There was a big old crowd just down from the Chinese Theater, and at first–from across the street–I thought I had seen Robin Wright emerge from a black SUV, so I though it might be her or Kevin Spacey or Westley being immortalized. But then when I realized it was Jim Parsons being honored, I also realized the blonde lady was Kaley Cuoco. Disappointment. I didn’t stop to watch or take pictures, because I’ve already see JP once at O’Hare, so he’s old hat. Over it!
I also saw this man walk right on top of Errol Flynn’s star. Heeey, I’m taking a picture here!
Errol Flynn, as portrayed by Jude Law in Aviator.
After walking all 271 miles of the Walk AND BACK, my feet had developed a blister for every mile, so I took a bus tour. No, not TMZ, because I have self-respect. It was a no-name tour and they gave me a free American flag pin. However, the guide kept calling him “George Michaels.” Like, dude, it’s been seventy years since he did the nasty in the public bathrooms across from the Beverley Hills Hotel. You should know by now that his last name is singular. However, not only did I see the window of the bedroom where Michael Jackson died, but I also saw SIMON COWELL’S HOUSE!!! It’s almost certain that the boys have been there at some point. And even though I know for a fact that they were in Singapore while I was in LA, I looked around for their perfect faces. But during my whole time in the city, eyes peeled, I didn’t see hide or hair of them. EXCEPT FOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME ON HOLLYWOOD BLVD WHEN I EXITED THE BUS!!!!
Homeless Monsters 
Did you ever consider that maybe George Michael and Michael Cera were hanging out together at the time?
Whoa.
I also forgot to mention that the tour guide called Dane Cook a “new up-and-coming comedy star.”
Thank you for posting the Jack White star…you are doing the lord’s work.
Wait…that’s a Jack White with a movie camera…There’s TWO Jack Whites? Man, if musician Jack White was pissed about the guacamole indicdent, he’s going to be REALLY pissed about this.
Whoa, good eye!
Besides the ones I saw in LA, I’ve seen Mario Cantone at the MFA in Boston, and I once stood in line behind Fisher Stevens at a burrito place at O’Hare. Yeah, I’ve seen TWO celebrities at O’Hare.
Fisher Stevens! Fun!
I think the last celebrity sighting I had was a couple of years ago. Marvel was shooting Winter Soldier a couple of miles from my old place, and I walked by while they were filming and saw your boyfriend in action. 🙂
It was the scene where he was going back to his apartment, so I got to watch him ride a motorcycle a few hundred feet several times. The bystander area wasn’t particularly close to the set, but from what I saw I’m pretty sure he was an 11.
“…a recurring guest star on The Good Wife, where mainly I just kiss Cary and solve crimes.”
Well that sounds like perfection Flaniel.
I’ve had close calls, but I’ve never seen someone famous up close. Jack White toured the museum, but the girls in the gift shop neglected to call me. Martha Stewart filmed a segment at the museum, but I wasn’t there that day. After a concert, I wanted to go home instead of going to the bar, so my friends got to hang out with the drummer from the Black Keys. Mr. Dork did not forgive me for that one.
When I went to LA several years ago I saw Nancy Grace being interviewed at The Grove (jealous?). Also later that day at The Grove I stumbled across the red carpet for the Beastly premiere and saw Neil Patrick Harris and Sara Hyland.
Also once when my old band was playing in New York Kirsten Dunst passed by me on the street outside the venue but I didn’t notice until our drummer pointed her out to me so I only saw her from behind. Her hair looked amazing.
Oh also I saw Andy Samberg while I was waiting in line for a Joanna Newsom concert. He emerged from a cab right in front of me holding a big Chipotle bag so file that away in your notebook of celebrity fast food preferences.
Yes! I love NPH. When I was in college my friend and I saw him walking. This was before the How I Met Your Mother resurgence of NPH to the non-broadway world. She was like…i know that guy, why do I know that guy? Then she screamed out DOOGIE HOWSER!!!! at the top of her lungs. He turned around and gave us a curt wave with a laughing smirk.
Back when I was a wee 22-year-old I got my picture taken with Mary-Kate and Ashley’s star.
Do you think they were offended that they had to share a star instead of getting one apiece? Anyway, this was the only one I got a picture with because I feel a deep connection with the Olsen twins on account of the fact that they were born a mere four days after me and also they both got into NYU and I was waitlisted and I’m pretty sure one of them took my specific spot.
If only they could have had a joint enrollment in NYU, then you would have been in! Why do they get one star but take up two college spaces???
Also I mean all due respect to the Olsen twins but come on, I was way more qualified! My favorite college professor shared a story with us where his professor friend at NYU had one of the twins in a psych class and she asked him if the memory erasing process in Eternal Sunshine was real.
I HOPE THAT’S A TRUE STORY OH MAN
Maybe she was wishfully hoping to erase all memories of Dave Coulier?
One of them once cut in front of my friend in line at the cafeteria at NYU.
Literal LOL.
Living in NYC i saw like a zillion. (Namedropping starts now. Sorry not sorry!) When Law and Order SVU filmed on my block I chased Chris Meloni down the street in order to talk to him and take a picture. I also followed the filming of Friday Night Lights so closely when they were in NYC that I got yelled at by the production crew for getting in the shot. I was at a party and ordered a drink at the bar, accidentally brushed elbows with the person next to me, who ended up being Bradley Cooper. I’ve small talked to John Slattery about Mad Men. Passed Keanu Reeves walking down 6th Avenue. Realized that I was walking next to Renee Zellweger on the street while she was on the phone discussing her birthday party. I’ve done St Paddy’s day shots with Chace Crawford. The list goes on and on. Go live in NYC. Celebrities are everywhere.
Ugh, I’ve traveled to New York numerous times and have never seen a celeb. Hell, I’ve seen more celebrities at the Detroit airport than NYC.
Ooh, yeah, I saw Hoopz from Flavor of Love at DTW!
YOU DID SHOTS WITH NATE ARCHIBALD????
Ohhhh we need to have a conversation about this sometime IRL Catweazle. About Ed too.
Is what we need to talk about that Nate and Chuck dated IRL? I always wanted that rumor to be true!
Holy shit, my envy knows no bounds.
I saw Scott Adsit (Pete Hornberger on 30 Rock) in Penn Station, Andy Serkis in Santa Monica, and once I sat next to NFL running back Correll Buckhalter on a plane.
Oh, I also used to see Wanda Sykes all the time. She lived where I used to work. I said “hi” more than once and pet her dog. We’re pretty close.
The side of Jude Law’s head during previews for Spamalot.
Cheyenne Jackson walking quickly away from the crowd after A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder.
Does stage dooring count? Because I’ve met Idina Menzel, Sutton Foster, Hank Azaria, Victoria Clark and lots of rando Broadway people outside stage doors but MOST IMPORTANTLY: Jonathan Crombie aka GILBERT BLYTHE.
My mom saw Cameron Diaz in the shoe department at Macy’s. She was very polite, she said, “Excuse me,” as she walked in front of my her.
As most of you know, Mr. Costco and I went to the Veronica Mars movie premiere and party and had a perfect Hollywood experience. We met all my favorite celebrities, and Kristen Bell was as lovely in person as I imagined.
When we were waiting in the security line at LAX, a herd of paparazzi came barreling towards us, almost knocking down a girl standing near us. There were at least 2 Kardashians walking by. I looked up “Kardashian, LAX” in the Google image search, and we were in the background of the paparazzi pictures! I have zero interest in the Kardashians, but it was still amusing to find ourselves in paparazzi pictures.
I also now understand why celebrities want to punch paparazzi in the face. Especially if they have their kids with them. They were so crazy to get a photo – and it was just a photo of ladies walking through an airport. Why are the paparazzi even allowed in the airport?
I could have been on this TFW, you guys! I kept waiting for flanny to text me that day, but she never did, and I was like, that’s cool, she just wants some alone time, SO COOL I’M TOTALLY FINE WITH IT. But then her text came in hours later along with like three others, so I knew my phone had been sabotaged, and it was too late ahhhhh!
My best celeb sighting was Rider Strong at a gas station somewhere along the I-5 while my dad was driving me to college once. I also saw then-couple Jennie Garth and Peter Faccinelli (sp?) getting a parking ticket some years ago.
Ugg, I had texting issues that whole week!
It was me sabotaging your phones. I HATE WHEN OTHER MONSTERS HANG OUT WITHOUT ME!
You were touristing a block from my apartment. I see tourists all the time and they never look like they are having the time of their lives. They look like the whole visit is costing more money than expected and doesn’t have a focus. “This is kind of just a city,” they seem to be thinking. “It isn’t designed to cater to us in obvious ways. Oh look, we are in the bong district. Keep your eyes on the dirty sidewalk, children.”
Yes, so many bongs and spangly crotch things in your hood! I was pretty proud of myself because when I was standing at the corner of Hollywood and something, I must have looked appropriately SoCal for a foreign man to ask me “if I knew this area.” I may live in the country now, but I guess I still haven’t lost my grumpy, harried urban-dweller face.
I may have mentioned at some point that I assisted Chet Haze (aka Chester Hanks, Tom’s dumb rapper son) who was looking for a book on like, alchemy, son.
I was all “brah we don’t have it”. Then someone else asked a question and it took a minute for me to realize it was Mr. Tom Hanks asking for Barbara Tuchman’s the Guns of August. He was very pleasant, but a little sad because Nora Ephron had just died.
I also ate dinner near Nathan Lane, but of course didn’t bother him, because a)he’s eating and b)what on earth do I have to say to Nathan Lane?
Jerry Springer lives in the condos above my bookstore, so he’s in fairly frequently, and prefers you not to make a whole thing about it, but will take a picture if you ask nicely.
And then this one time in high school? We TOTALLY ran in to the bald flight instructor guy from Top Gun! Very excited group of high school band members encountering James Tolkan, who according to IMDB, appears in the forthcoming “Bone Tomahawk” !! Four men set out in the Wild West to rescue a group of captives from cannibalistic cave dwellers!!
I seem to mentally catalog just about every famous-ish person I see in the wild. I don’t feel like this is *too* sad, do you? Leaving out a few, but here are some interesting-ish ones that come readily to mind:
– Probably my “biggest” sighting was Mickey Rourke at Katz’s Deli. He was kind of aglow and riding high again just after “The Wrestler,” too.
– A weird one was Matthew Broderick coming out of the theater where he was doing “The Producers” and the guy that played Cameron from “Ferris Bueller” was waiting for him.
– Kevin McDonald (of Kids in the Hall) at a Teenage Fanclub concert. I ❤ KITH.
– Giovanni Ribisi at Autolux's merch table in Pomona (I think he was dating the drummer).
– A young Joseph Gordon-Levitt at a Weezer comeback show in 2000. No word on what he thought of the Green album.
– Also, one time Flava Flav was randomly outside my old office building in Long Beach. He was wearing the clock and everything.
– This kind of counts I guess: I saw a screening of "Easy Rider" at my school, and Peter Fonda and Toni Basil ("Hey Mickey!") where in the audience. After the movie ended, they both jumped on stage and proceeded to interview each other. Peter Fonda was wearing leather pants.
– Most recently I stood in for line for a sandwich next to Josh Homme (of Queens of the Stone Age) at Philippe's in LA.
Paul Rudd was filming a movie literally across the street from where two of my best friends live, and they knew in advance but didn’t tell me until the day of, for which they will never be forgiven. BUT, I made it over there before the end of the day and saw him emerge from the church and get into a van! I was maybe 50-100 yards away. The location scout (?) saw me lurking and chatted with me. I kind of wish I’d pushed for an intro, because everyone seemed pretty chill.
When I worked at the Met, I got to do (“got to do” – was required to do) check in at the Costume Institute Ball. I was awash in celebrities! I saw J.Lo, who was lovely, and countless models I could have identified in a magazine but who, in person, all looked exactly the same. I saw Pacey, who was extremely dashing. I saw Mary J. Blige. I felt like the luckiest servant in the world!
Sounds like the beginning to a romantic comedy. One of those famous handsome princes should have swept you off your feet!
I was hopeful, but seeing as my interactions were limited to, “Your surname? Excellent, Ms. Lopez, I have you right here. Enjoy the exhibit!”, I somehow failed to charm.
I saw all of U2 once. I was at a U2 concert. Does that count?
Also, I once had a beer with Daniel MacIvor, whom I’m sure none of you have heard of, but it was exciting for me at the time.