Game of Thrones S5E03

Ok,  better late than never. Now is everybody ready for the plot to careen forward in leaps and bounds? No? Why are you here then? Off with your head!

In housekeeping news, a couple of new or altered animations appear in the credits. We see Moat Cailin (held by Howland Reed, father of the late Jojen Reed), and we see Winterfell, somewhat disturbingly with the Bolton’s Flayed Man banner.

Enough housekeeping. We open in a dark hall of some sort, apparently in Braavos where Arya is sweeping the floors. The man who is very likely not Jaqen H’Ghar (but who we will for the sake of argument agree to call Jaqen H’Ghar) draws a cup of water from a pool in the floor, and hands it to a decrepit man. Valar morghulis?  Jaqen agrees, and replies with the expected Valar dohaerys. The man drinks, crawls nearer to the statue of a god, and  dies.

As Jaqen moves to leave, Arya stops to ask him what’s going on–she says she is not there to sweep floors, and that he promised to train her, to teach her to be a faceless man. He notes that she is there to serve, but clearly Arya finds this service menial and beneath her, not advancing her goals. Jaqen says that she’s serving herself, and not the Faceless God–when Arya asks which of the many gods whose statue appears in the temple this is (the Stranger from the Seven, the Drowned God of the Iron Islands), Jaqen replies that there is but one god, and all men know his gift. (Valar what now?)  Arya asks where the attendants are taking the dead man, and a slightly older and quite serious girl ignores the question and walks out.

Let us leave this place and return to King’s Landing, where some lavish ceremony is afoot. I do love an excuse to dress up and get together–what’s up? A litter bearing Cersei is approaching the steps to the Sept, but all one hears are the peasants hailing Queen Margaery, much to Cersei’s dismay. It turns out we’ve gathered here today for a wedding! Those always go so well. Oddly, this one does, and in short order, Tommen, first of his name, has wed his not especially blushing bride, who is now not just the darling of the crowds, but their new Queen, again.  The crows applauds with varying degrees of sincerity–it’s quite an attractive young couple–so what if it’s the bride’s third wedding in probably  two years. We take you now to the royal bedchamber, where, happily, we find that Tommen does not share any notable character traits with his brother. For some reason he wants to know if their just completed escapade had hurt Margaery (because those noises). Um, no, you’re good, buddy.   It all happened so fast, he says (yeah kid, we know).  Margaery begins to lay the groundwork to take over the poor boy’s life and thoughts–while it’s probably true that she finds him agreeable and cute, he’s awfully young, and as she lavishes fulsome praise on Cersei, she starts to sow the first seeds of doubt with Tommen – Cersei will never let him be his own man.

The next morning, Cersei is trying her own version of this with Tommen “do you think she’s intelligent? I can’t quite tell, not that it matters”. She must be surprised at how quickly Margaery has moved when Tommen asks if she’s happy or if she might want to return home to Casterly Rock…um, no. 

Cersei heads straight for Margaery, who is busy amusing the ladies of her entourage with tales of wedding night escapades. This scene too is played with delightfully sweet but venomous dialogue–when offering refreshments, Margaery apologizes that she doesn’t have any wine to offer, as it’s a bit early in the day for her. Oh, snap.  Cersei says that it’s no worry, that she’s there to just offer once more to do just anything Margaery might want to make life easier (which she clearly doesn’t mean), and Margaery ever grateful for this kind offer, asks Cersei as she’s leaving what she’d like to be called now- The Queen Mother or the Dowager Queen. Damn, girl, you’re doing all of this now? At any rate, Cersei leaves, after being visibly repelled at the suggestion that she’ll soon be the Queen Grandmother (to awful Tyrell babies, blech).

Riders bearing the Bolton banner are seen heading for Winterfell, which is not especially recognizable–rebuilding efforts are certainly underway. Theon, walking through the courtyard with some chickens, is taken aback by the sight of flayed bodies being strung up for all to see. In the castle, where Roose and Ramsay are eating, Ramsay says that he was forced to make an example of (some minor lord) who wouldn’t pay his taxes, and that the son, having seen his parents and uncle flayed, paid up rapidly. Roose, who is of course also a terrible person, notes that they cannot hold the North by terror alone, and then reports that he has important news. Put that chicken down and listen, you former bastard! So the thing is, the North has old loyalties, and the Lannisters, with Tywin’s death, have no reason to ride to Roose’s aid should it be needed, and the best way to secure control and lasting alliances is via marriage. As it happens, Roose might have found someone. Oh no.

Littlefinger and Sansa ride up and look down on Moat Cailin, clearly on the way back into the heart of the north. Littlefinger admits that he is taking her home, and that the marriage proposal he’d had word of was not for himself, but for her. Quite rightly, she’s vehemently opposed and traumatized by this idea–initially she thinks she’s been pledged to Roose, who murdered her brother. When she’s told it’s Ramsay, this is no better, and initially wants no part of it, threatening a hunger strike. Littlefinger’s pitch is that if she doesn’t go back, she’ll always be a bystander, always on the run. Go back, he says, and honor your family by revenging them (there seem to be flaws with this plan…what are the mechanisms of this revenge, exactly??)

From a cliff above, Brienne and Pod are watching. Pod asks Brienne how they’ll get around the Moat, and Brienne says they won’t, that she knows where they’re going. We find them again as they make camp and exchange origin stories. Pod tells her how he came to be in Tyrion’s service (his previous knight stole a ham, gave him half, and was caught–Tywin pardoned him because the Payne family name carried some weight, and sent him to King’s Landing to serve Tyrion–a punishment for both, says Brienne). She then apologizes for being horrid to him, and when he says yes, he wants to be a knight, she pledges that she’ll teach him sword fighting twice daily, and finally teach him to ride a horse properly.

After they reach this accord, Pod asks her about Renly, about what had stood out about him to her. Breinee relates the story of the time her father put together a coming out party of sorts for her, at which various young nobles from the area appeared, and claimed to make sincere remarks about her beauty and desirability and such, before she overheard giggling, and one of the boys telling the others he couldn’t keep up the charade any longer. Renly though, he dances with her, and tells her never to let the bastards see you cry. Pod, still confused, brings up the apparent preferred gender of Renly’s companions, and Brienne says, yes, dummy, it wasn’t about that, he liked dudes, this was about making her feel like an actual person worthy of respect. For that, she’d have followed him to the ends of the earth, and would like nothing more than to extract revenge for his murder. Pod asks how that’s possible, if he was killed by a shadow– simple, the shadow had Stannis’s face, and a man after all, can be killed. This is the most they’ve given these characters to do in a while, all of this exposition around a campfire, and you really do see the respect between the characters deepening. Fine scene, would watch again.

At Castle Black, Stannis enters the Lord Commander’s office to ask Jon if he’s had a chance to consider his offer. He has, of course, but regards his oath to the Watch as unbreakable, and tells Stannis he can’t fight beside him. Stannis thinks he’s being a fool, but accepts that Jon won’t change his mind.  On his way out, Jon does ask Stannis how long they plan to stay, given the strain on the Castle’s resources. Stannis says he’ll march on Winterfell within the fortnight, and he leaves the disposition of the wildlings to Jon. Maybe Tormund Giantsbane will be more amenable to compromise. Davos remains behind to again appeal to Jon making a more practical interpretation of his oath, to no avail.

Back in the House of Black and White, the other apprentice (a girl we saw briefly earlier) walks into Arya’s cell and accosts her–who is she, with her coin she didn’t earn? Arya tries the “right” answer, that she’s nobody, but the other girl is not amused, and beats her with a cane each time she makes this claim, until Arya’s ready to reach for Needle. At that moment, “Jaqen” walks by to question what’s happening, and the other girl says they were playing the “Game of Faces”. After some additional “she’s not ready”, “yes I am” back and forth, Jaqen points out that a girl claims to be nobody, but has Arya’s clothes, her silver, her sword…Arya takes his point, more or less, and goes out on a pier to drop her clothes, silver, and iron coin into the sea. She can’t bring herself to part with Needle, though, and buries it behind a loose rock formation.

Back inside, another dead man is carried off, and Arya is finally summoned by Jaqen and allowed to work on the next task–silently bathing the dead with the other girl. Cool–cool job to have, guys.

—

Oh snap, Sansa has arrived at Winterfell, and after a moment of uncertainty, she does not attempt to murderate Roose Bolton, but greets him and Ramsay somewhat cordially. An attendant in the castle shows her to her rooms, and tells her that”The North remembers”.

–

At Castle Black, the brothers are finishing a meal, and Jon begins to conduct business, such as it is. It seems it’s time for a new latrine pit, everybody!! Ooh Boy! Ser Alliser Thorne sits silently in the crowd, waiting to get this shit duty, but Jon awards it to a Watchman named Brian. I do resemble the remark that it seems a good job for a ginger, though. To Alliser’s surprise, Jon then calls out his length of service and his bravery, and names him First Ranger, before immediately “giving” Janos Slynt command of Greyguard, one of the many ruined castles along the wall. Slynt takes immediate exception, saying he won’t go, it’s ridiculous, etc. The rest of the room seems to realize that this is a dangerous approach, but he keeps on with it, openly defying Jon, and colorfully confirming what Jon can do with his order.  Jon orders Slynt brought outside, and calls for his sword. Thorne briefly stands in the way, but quickly turns aside, knowing that his idiot friend is in the wrong. As Stannis watches, Jon listens to Slynt’s blubbering last words (pleas for forgiveness and mercy), and then, the former commander of the King’s Landing City Watch is suddenly about a foot shorter.

Speaking of King’s Landing, we find the High Septon not entirely practicing what he preaches in one of Baelish’s whorehouses. After some brief gratuitous nudity, the Sparrows, let by Lancel Lannister, burst in and haul him out into the street, naked, beating him all the while. Shortly thereafter, the Septon addresses the small council to report his assault. Qyburn happens to point out that the assault began in a brothel, and is skeptical that he was ministering to devout prostitutes. What would he have Cersei do? Why shut the movement down, and arrest and execute the High Sparrow.

Cersei, over Meryn Trant’s objections, journeys into a pretty terrible part of the city that is not gentrifying even a little, and finds outstanding character actor and High Sparrow Jonathan Pryce doling out soup and bread to the needy. He comes across as eminently reasonable, or at least less corrupt than the current high septon, and Cersei is sympathetic to him, and lets him know that the “chosen representative of the gods in this world” currently resides in a cell in the dungeons. Veeery Interesting. You sure you know what you’re setting in motion here, Cersei?

She next visit Qyburn, who’s cutting a head off a mouse–she has a message to sent to Littlefinger, making it clear that whatever she wants, she wants it immediately. How’s Qyburn’s work going? Oh fine…fine. After Cersei leaves, the covered body on the table behind Qyburn jerks violently. Who do we know whose mostly dead…hmm.

Back at Winterfell, Theon sees Sansa walk by, but can’t speak to her.  Littlefinger and Ramsay speak about Sansa briefly, with Ramsay pledging (sure) never to hurt her. Roose approaches and after talking about the shifting political realities and the lessening influence of the Lannisters, he delivers some mysterious message from Cersei, which Roose took the liberty of reading. He’ll certainly lend Littlefinger a raven to reply, but you know, he might want to read that one too.

Finally we head south to Volantis, where the Tyrion and Varys in a Box road show continues. Tyrion is, in scientific terms losing it a little bit. He repeats “I have to get out of this wheelhouse” to each of Varys’s several sensible objections.  Tyrion notes that he won’t be any use to Danaerys if he’s gone nuts. Fine, you win. They wander the streets of Volantis for a bit, with Varys pointing out the assorted brands used to mark slaves of various occupations. They come upon a priest of R’hallor, and while Varys wants to keep moving, Tyrion wants to hear more about how the night is dark and full of terrors. After a bit of general platitudes, the priest claims that there is a savior, the mother of dragons, and she spots Tyrion in the crowd. He’s finally nervous enough, and they hightail it off to a brothel. In this brothel we see a drunken Jorah Mormont, and a whore dressed as a somewhat more solidly built Danaerys, obviously plying that to her advantage. Tyrion approaches a friendly whore, and eventually convinces her that his credit is good, or at least good enough to pass the time. As she goes to lead him off though, he hesitates. He can’t do it– his history with his first love, and with Shae, causes him to recoil from an encounter with an otherwise pleasing young courtesan, much to his surprise. He breaks the moment by going to relieve himself. While pissing off a balcony, he’s surprised by someone behind him who he assumes to be Varys. It’s decidedly not–it’s Jorah, who did recognize him, and binds and gags him–he’s taking Tyrion to the queen (uh….which one? Jorah?)